Long time no blog huh? Well this is the begining of my blog-a-thon. I have had a lot on my mind and my heart lately. And a lot has happened today. So I will most likely blog until all my feelings are laid bare. This first entry was started before my emotional day and is based on the biggest picture of my life with no zoom.
My biological clock has been clicking so damn loud it sounds like the alarm is going off. Snooze only last so long and then its back again. According to Wikipedia the term biological clock is based on the correlation between a woman's age and her fertility. Women reach their peak fertility in their early to mid twenties. Well my mid twenties are approaching and they are approaching a little too quickly for my tastes. Now while I don't consider 24 mid twenties the same can not be said for 25.
My fears are linked to this biological clock theory. I am a firm believer that getting married takes time. True love pass the infatuation stage must stand the test of time. Well as I am on the verge of my 24th year even if I found the man I am going to marry this year, realisticly and optimally I would not start trying to get pregant till around 28 at the very earliest. So when I call myself old I am really saying I am too old to not have more of this life and love stuff figured out. Perhaps if my career or other areas of life were going better I would not care so much. But they are not. Everything is a glaring failure.
There is no chance that I will have a baby out of wedlock despite the increasing occurances of such. With media shows making 16 year old moms celebrities, waiting to have children until after marriage is becoming less and less of a societal norm. However times have changed. Women are no longer getting married as soon as their menstral cycle starts. We are going to school and having careers. There has been much debate on wheter women can have it all ( children and a career). If you are successful enough you can invest more money into assisting getting preggers. This mountain of student loans that sucks me dry every single month informs me that will not be an option for me.
On the topic of times changing. In the past it was more common to wait until wedlock to have sex. Possibily now majority of people have sex way before marriage. As I previously stated, in the past people got married at much younger ages. So it can be infered that back then people were 16 and pregnant and married. I have even heard people say they would not marry someone they had not had sex with. In the media being a virgin is stigmatized as being a prude if you're a woman or a pimply nerdy geek if you're a man. How does this relate to my biological clock? Well I haven't had sexual intercourse. I don't consider myself a virgin but I haven't ever done anything that could possibly result in offspring. I don't know my exact reasons. However I suspect its a combination of the fear of the unknown and the desire to only have sexual intercourse with one man ever. Call me crazy, because I probaly am.