Tuesday, March 19, 2013

DTR ( Defining The Relationship)

I am sure half of the people who clicked on my link from twitter thought I was getting married. Silly rabbits rings are for girl's in a relationship. I have been single for somewhere around 6 months maybe longer not really counting. The first month it was like How Jenna Got Her Groove Back or something. My missing self-confidence returned with a vengeance and I discovered an intense love for myself that someone I had lost along the way.

(me sometime after the breakup getting my groove back)

Eventually one of my close male friends got out of his long term relationship too. And slowly the jokes turn less innocent and the friendship gradually feels more and more like a relationship. Till on no spoken terms it is mutually understood that we are "talking".

I have NEVER been a fan of "talking". It is an ambiguous term I feel guys use to satisfy a woman's desire for commitment and loyalty without actually providing her with that which she desires. It confusing and the distinction of what one can and can't do whom one can an can't spend time with is blurred. Can you go on dates with other people or is this unacceptable. This creates more confusion, unnecessary drama, and potentially hurt feelings.

"Talking" to someone reminds me of the old saying...

Why Buy The Cow
When You Can Get the Milk For Free
Why would a man commit to being in a relationship with you when he can get all he wants from you by saying you guys are talking. On the flip side of this if you keep pressuring a man into being in a relationship that is a huge turn off and will make him want to even less! I am also not a fan of the ultimatum ( ol tomato) technique either. That sounds like you are forcing him to be with you or else. Who wants to be with someone you had to force to be in a relationship with you?

I was in love with my best friend during my college years. However we never explicitly Defined The Relationship. Biggest mistake ever. He ended up moving on with someone who would define the relationship ( In hindsight he was bat shit crazy and I am eternally grateful I did not end up with him). At that time I was crushed, devastated, heartbroken, etc... This situation left a scar on my heart an a shadow in my soul. Took years for me to return the positive diva you have before you.

One thing I am convinced of is that it is feelings that make the relationship. You can avoid defining the relationship all you like but if you have feelings for this person akin to someone in a committed relationship (jealousy, love, etc.) then its all for naught and you are simply delaying the inevitable. Whether that be that you will be in a relationship eventually and you wasted all this time not defining your relationship when you could have been growing as a couple or that the other party will get tired of waiting on you and move on to someone else.

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