Saturday, February 23, 2013

Fact Vs Fiction

While watching Grey's anatomy last night ( I don't have cable so I watch online at random times) I was hit with a startling realization. The media creates a fictitious ideas of how relationships works. These images are destructive towards having a real relationship in Today's world. On Grey's Anatomy Season 9 Episode 12 one of the doctor's was making out in the ambulance with a paramedic when the paramedic stopped her and asked her out on a date because he wanted to see her outside the ambulance. FICTION. In real life the guy would have just kept the intense make out sessions going. Guys use dates to impress women to get them to make out with them. If he is already getting some action he won't go the extra mile. FACT. Then I went on to realize that the main premise of the show is even worse.  The head of neurology at a prominent hospital marries his one night stand who is not only a lowly intern when they sleep together but also bat shit crazy. FICTION. While these shows are fun to watch they are subconsciously affecting how we view relationships.

Disney is the biggest enemy of all to healthy modern relationships. With the possible exception of Mulan ( which was based on a true story) all the princess stories involve a man going though breathe defying odds to win the girl. A few of them [Aladdin, Beauty and the Beast, Princess and the Frog, Rapunzel] ok a lot of them even involve the bad guy good girl set up. Where the man is changed by the woman's love for him into someone good and respectable. Its no wonder women stay in abusive relationships Disney taught them that their love and goodness can change any bad boy into a good man.
The Disney Princesses are the original mean girls.
Another example of the bad guy being transformed into a good guy by the love of his princess comes from my all time favorite show of all time the Anime Sailor Moon. Darien was a complete ass to Serena and she fell for him..HARD. Then he magically transformed into the prince charming we all desire. Well thank you Sailor Moon because of your fictitious love story I have been equating men being assholes to me as a sign of their future love and affection you know after I change them.
More Like Fighting Love By Moonlight

After reading all this you probably think I hate all 3 of these things. You could not be more wrong. I just am not a fan of the brain washing it does to young impressionable girls. It sets unrealistic expectations on how a man expresses his love. It supports good girls going after bad guys while the good guys they should be with are left alone turning bitter and eventually into a bad guy. I recently read a book by a man about why mean cheat that stated most bad boys were once good boys that were screwed over by what once was a good woman who got screwed over by a good man. In other words its a vicious cycle, that I believe got its start from the media.

Saturday, February 9, 2013

All Over The Place Thinking About Love

Maybe it's Valentine's Day right around the corner, or my sister's impending engagement, or the romantic turn a friendship of mine is taking much to my general excitement, but love and dating have been on my mind a lot lately. The dynamics of dating and relationships in general from real life to television are drastically changing. Roles are swapping and evolving.

 I just watched an episode of The New Normal and a man was breastfeeding his child (with the help
of a device).

The widely popular TV show Scandal glorifies the position of being "the other woman".

 Older women are dating younger men and dating multiple at once is becoming increasingly more acceptable.

My sister and her boyfriend have decided to get engaged. Like together they decided. She has seen the ring and I am pretty sure she knows the proposal is coming on Valentine's Day . Its nontraditional but again times are changing. Pre-planning getting engaged maybe more practical. At least he doesn't have to worry about her saying no!

All of the love on television as well as my living vicariously through my sister is making think about my future and what I want out of a future relationship and future husband. If I am completely honest with myself I am a hopeless romantic in a completely irrational way. I want us to have passionate all consuming love. I want us to be the best part of each other's day. I want us to be unable to keep our hands off each other. The mistress on Scandal stated that she wanted desperate painful all consuming love. That is why she turned down a perfectly acceptable non married man's marriage proposal knowing that he could make her happy. Because the love she felt for him lacked that passion.

SO that's what I want the crazy love, but most importantly I want someone who loves me crazy back.

Practical me that has been through the pain, triumphs, ups, and downs of love or delusions of love knows that there is more to love than just passion. Falling passionately in love with someone who isn't right for you will never make you happy.

I am a weird individual. But I love me. And I want someone who likes me as I am. Often times we get into relationships with pre-planned ideas of how we will change this person.Well change is inevitable but you can't change anyone. Life changes us. Like ocean waves eroding the land. It molds us makes us stronger and eventually better.

The third ingredient in what I want in a future relationship is stability. Relationships involve money their is no way around it. It should not be about one person taking care of the other. I believe somewhere in the bible it mentions being equally yoked. That should be the standard we strive toward.

So find someone who makes you feel passionate, who you love quirks and all, and who fits economically. AND don't settle when you only have some of the ingredients. You need them all.

While I may never the find the man who will break out in song and confess his love to me or let me have a musical as a wedding, I will wait for the man who will sit through Pitch Perfect with me and while he may not admit it.....enjoys it.