DTR ( Defining The Relationship)

I am sure half of the people who clicked on my link from twitter thought I was getting married. Silly rabbits rings are for girl's in a relationship. I have been single for somewhere around 6 months maybe longer not really counting. The first month it was like How Jenna Got Her Groove Back or something. My missing self-confidence returned with a vengeance and I discovered an intense love for myself that someone I had lost along the way.



(me sometime after the breakup getting my groove back)

 



Eventually one of my close male friends got out of his long term relationship too. And slowly the jokes turn less innocent and the friendship gradually feels more and more like a relationship. Till on no spoken terms it is mutually understood that we are "talking".

I have NEVER been a fan of "talking". It is an ambiguous term I feel guys use to satisfy a woman's desire for commitment and loyalty without actually providing her with that which she desires. It confusing and the distinction of what one can and can't do whom one can an can't spend time with is blurred. Can you go on dates with other people or is this unacceptable. This creates more confusion, unnecessary drama, and potentially hurt feelings.

"Talking" to someone reminds me of the old saying...



Why Buy The Cow

When You Can Get the Milk For Free

 

Why would a man commit to being in a relationship with you when he can get all he wants from you by saying you guys are talking. On the flip side of this if you keep pressuring a man into being in a relationship that is a huge turn off and will make him want to even less! I am also not a fan of the ultimatum ( ol tomato) technique either. That sounds like you are forcing him to be with you or else. Who wants to be with someone you had to force to be in a relationship with you?

 



I was in love with my best friend during my college years. However we never explicitly Defined The Relationship. Biggest mistake ever. He ended up moving on with someone who would define the relationship ( In hindsight he was bat shit crazy and I am eternally grateful I did not end up with him). At that time I was crushed, devastated, heartbroken, etc... This situation left a scar on my heart an a shadow in my soul. Took years for me to return the positive diva you have before you.

One thing I am convinced of is that it is feelings that make the relationship. You can avoid defining the relationship all you like but if you have feelings for this person akin to someone in a committed relationship (jealousy, love, etc.) then its all for naught and you are simply delaying the inevitable. Whether that be that you will be in a relationship eventually and you wasted all this time not defining your relationship when you could have been growing as a couple or that the other party will get tired of waiting on you and move on to someone else.

Proposal Watch 2013

My younger sister who is my very best friend in the entire universe is getting engaged soon. How do I know this you ask? I know because she and her significant other have had a ring since the beginning of February. My sister was there when he purchased the ring and everything. However it is now approaching the end of March and still no proposal has come.

I call what they are doing an entire new relationship step between dating and engagement called pre-engagement. It is unorthodox but if you really examine it it is more practical. He has no reason to fear she will say no or that she will not like the ring. I am a firm believer that in this day and age each and every couple must create their own story. They can not simply follow in the foot steps of those who came before them but they must make their own path.

My sister's boyfriend has done a superb job of creating excitement and mystery behind the event though. She may know about the ring but she still has no idea when he will actually ask the question. I mean he had the ring before VALENTINE'S DAY and no proposal came. In the mean time they are working out wedding ideas and picking out things like colors despite not being engaged. The most amazing thing however is how sucked in my family and friends are.

• My mom has already had people offer to help with the shower.
• I spent hours looking at wedding dresses on skype with my sister the other day.
• Everyone is waiting on pins an needles for him to ask her. I was on a date the other day and since I knew they were at dinner I checked my phone repeatedly for a picture of a finger with a new ring on it.

Surprisingly, I am not the least bit jealous of my younger sister's pending engagement. I feel like I've always known she would "jump the broom first".  I am a hard person to love and it will take a very special man to want to put up with me for the rest of his life.

All these hullabaloo got me to thinking about the history of marriage proposals, weddings, and marriage in general.

Wikipedia was not very illuminating about the history of marriage proposals but I did find an article about why men get down on bended knee. It is a sign of respect not unlike

a knight kneeling to his Queen offering his life for the crown.

(pretty sure this is LOTR fan art...)

 

When a man proposes he is pledging his unwavering loyalty and commitment to his new fiancee. Sounds like a myth with today's divorce rates though. A couple of my co-workers have shared their proposal stories with me. They range from a public proposal in an aquarium to an intimate affair at the apartment they shared. One bizarre story involved a couple getting engaged while they were broken up. The only thing in common with these stories is that the women said yes.

I personally am a fan or public proposals. I even have a secret dark twisted fantasy to turn someone down in public (muhahahahahaha). I have been beaten to the punch though.

 

 

 



If and when my sister does get engaged I will have the honor of being her maid of honor. I am kind of a wedding junkie so this is a big deal to me. One of the things I'm looking forward to the most this year is that I have been asked/invited myself as a date to three weddings this year! I feel like a wedding crasher. One is even in Vegas! However, the one I am looking forward to the most is the one at the end of the year because I have actually met the bride and groom and I genuinely like them.

 

When speaking with the bride the other evening she mentioned that she has not even purchased a dress yet!



Pretty sure this is the exact face I made when she told me that since her wedding is this year.

On the other end of the spectrum my sis has an appointment to view dresses an she has not gotten engaged yet (when she made the appointment she thought she would be by now). I don't know who is more ready for my sister's boyfriend to propose... me or my sister.

The Ticking Time Bomb

Long time no blog huh? Well this is the begining of  my blog-a-thon. I have had a lot on my mind and my heart lately. And a lot has happened today. So I will most likely blog until all my feelings are laid bare. This first entry was started before my emotional day and is based on the biggest picture of my life with no zoom.


My biological clock has been clicking so damn loud it sounds like the alarm is going off. Snooze only last so long and then its back again. According to Wikipedia the term biological clock is based on the correlation between a woman's age and her fertility. Women reach their peak fertility in their early to mid twenties. Well my mid twenties are approaching and they are approaching a little too quickly for my tastes. Now while I don't consider 24 mid twenties the same can not be said for 25.

My fears are linked to this biological clock theory. I am a firm believer that getting married takes time. True love pass the infatuation stage must stand the test of time. Well as I am on the verge of my 24th year even if I found the man I am going to marry this year, realisticly and optimally I would not start trying to get pregant till around 28 at the very earliest. So when I call myself old I am really saying I am too old to not have more of this life and love stuff figured out. Perhaps if my career or other areas of life were going better I would not care so much. But they are not. Everything is a glaring failure.

There is no chance that I will have a baby out of wedlock despite the increasing occurances of such. With media shows making 16 year old moms celebrities, waiting to have children until after marriage is becoming less and less of a societal norm. However times have changed. Women are no longer getting married as soon as their menstral cycle starts. We are going to school and having careers. There has been much debate on wheter women can have it all ( children and a career). If you are successful enough you can invest more money into assisting getting preggers. This mountain of student loans that sucks me dry every single month informs me that will not be an option for me.

On the topic of times changing. In the past it was more common to wait until wedlock to have sex. Possibily now majority of people have sex way before marriage. As I previously stated, in the past people got married at much younger ages. So it can be infered that back then people were 16 and pregnant and married. I have even heard people say they would not marry someone they had not had sex with. In the media being a virgin is stigmatized as being a prude if you're a woman or a pimply nerdy geek if you're a man. How does this relate to my biological clock? Well I haven't had sexual intercourse. I don't consider myself a virgin but I haven't ever done anything that could possibly result in offspring. I don't know my exact reasons. However I suspect its a combination of the fear of the unknown and the desire to only have sexual intercourse with one man ever. Call me crazy, because I probaly am.