Plans

I had a plan.

Five or so years ago I decided that I was gonna leave the amazingly small insignificant town I was born in and go off to a big school in a big city far away where no one knew me. I was going to be popular and have a lot of friends. Friendships that would last a lifetime.

I was going to find a major that interested me and I was going to get an amazing job outside of college that all the friends people I knew from my hometown would be jealous of.

Most importantly I was going to meet the man I was going to marry while in college.


NONE OF THESE THINGS HAPPENED.

I actually had numerous tragedies during my college years. Definitely not the best times of my life ( I hope).

As a  result of going to an university out of state with no scholarships, I am buried to my teeth in debt. I pay more for loans each month than I do for rent.

I made few friends. Lost most of the ones I did make. Regretted losing those friendships.

I got a job that barely required a high school diploma. I have since been promoted but its still just a job and not a career. And I still have no idea what I want to do for the rest of my life.

I am extremely single. Though I have some hope in that department I don't want to count my chickens before they hatch in that department. Especially since all weekend for some reason subconsciously I have been trying to push him away.

Despite all of these things I love my life. I am extremely blessed and happy.

Alone and happy.

While this may not have been my plan, I have to trust that this is god's plan. And somewhere out there are the friends, the career, and the man he has planned for me.

I just feel like there has to be more than this provincial life.  ( shameless Disney Reference)

I want the life I read in books. Where is my Christian freaking Grey.

I'm an Aries so patience isn't really in my repertoire. Waiting for all this to happen feels unbearable. But I am enjoying this journey. So for now I just plan to enjoy life, figure out what the hell I want and just freaking go for it.

(Well one thing (or person) I want requires patience or I will ruin it...im 99.9% sure).