Locked in a Barren WasteLand Turned To Stone

(I am still working on deciding how emotional and real I want to get with my blogs so don't be surprised if you see this one disappear lol)

I have a concern. What if I have nothing left to give. What if I have spent all my passion and fire on past relationships. When something upsets me in a relationship or when we have arguments I am stone. As if I have stared into the eyes of the gorgon Medusa. I don't bring up my own personal grievances or inquire about alluded grievances I myself am committing. 

Even when I am baited with things that would normally drive me bat shit crazy, I do and say nothing. Previously I would rant, rave, yell, cuss and shout. I use to gossip and vent with girlfriends and LS's (even my work family used to get a piece of the Jenna drama) . Now no one knows. Not even me what the hell is going on. I just feel emptiness when there should be ire. After a relationship of constant daily yelling and fighting maybe I have nothing left in me. Maybe we have a quota of how much we can fight or try in a relationship and mine has simply been reached. I believe that fights, arguments, discussions etc... are natural in relationships like growing pains. Of course if all you do is shutdown no compromises or understandings into your partner can be reached. Instead of empathy I've been emoting apathy...

Communication is key as they say. Without communicating I know that I can not unlock the door that leads from barren wastelands of failed relationships to the utopian paradise of a successful one.

 

 

Until then I am doomed to be locked away under stone.

 

 

 

How do you feel about fights in relationships?

Silver Linings

***WARNING THIS BLOG CONTAINS SPOLIERS TO SILVER LININGS PLAYBOOK AND IRON MAN 3. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED***

 

 

 

Long time no blog. As I have stated in the past it is hard for me to blog when I am happy. It is easier to hold onto some negative emotion and spiral out of control with that than it is for me to celebrate positivity. But I am working on that!

 

Over the weekend ( which will have its own post later) I saw the film Silver Linings Playbook ( for free shout out to redbox). The movie is basically the love story between two people. Sounds familiar? Well add in the mix that both of these people are legitimately crazy. Like they take pills. The male lead Bradley Cooper's character discovers he is an undiagnosed bipolar after walking in on his wife and her coworker in the shower. He beats the man within an inch of his life. He consequently suffers from a break from reality.

 

It got me to thinking...What if each and every one of us has the capacity to be crazy. What if it only takes a trigger or certain event to cause our subconscious crazy to come forth. I know this is probably the most controversial thing I have ever written.

 

Some of our craziness is closer to the surface and may require less of a trigger while other's may have deep buried craziness that is less likely to surface during our lifetime. You never know what you are gonna do in a situation until you are faced with that situation yourself. So I try not to judge situations I hear about when I know nothing about it myself. Personally I did not see the big deal in Bradley Cooper almost killing his wife's lover.

 

The female lead in The Silver Linings Playbook (Jennifer Lawrence whom I believe won an award or something from this movie)  has learned to accept, embrace, and own her craziness. While Bradley Cooper denies denies denies .  So while both are crazy one is more ostracized in the community than the other. 

 

In Iron Man 3 Tony suffers from post traumatic stress disorder due to what he experienced during the Avengers.

 

Essentially the events in the final battle TRIGGERED his craziness. I know it is a movie but still if Iron Man go crazy I am pretty sure anyone can.

 

I feel like the word crazy has gotten a bad rap. It automatically has a negative connotation to it. What if craziness is just an individuals way of being honest. In a world and society where no one trusts each other and people are discouraged from showing emotions and/or their true self anybody who breaks from the norm can be considered crazy. I don't mean crazy as in mental illness that is a completely different thing. I mean crazy as a lifestyle as a reaction to an event like I don't know the death of a loved one or falling a gazillion and one miles back to Earth after preventing a Nuke from exploding.  I have always embraced my craziness and I think I am one of those hypothetical people who hold their craziness closer to the surface.

 

"While not everything can be repaired, most everything can be survived"

 

This is a beautiful quote from Grey's Anatomy.

 

So go ahead be crazy, be YOUR crazy. If you get hurt it might not get repaired but I bet it will get survived. And you just might find YOUR happiness and YOUR silver lining.

 

 

 



 

 



DTR ( Defining The Relationship)

I am sure half of the people who clicked on my link from twitter thought I was getting married. Silly rabbits rings are for girl's in a relationship. I have been single for somewhere around 6 months maybe longer not really counting. The first month it was like How Jenna Got Her Groove Back or something. My missing self-confidence returned with a vengeance and I discovered an intense love for myself that someone I had lost along the way.



(me sometime after the breakup getting my groove back)

 



Eventually one of my close male friends got out of his long term relationship too. And slowly the jokes turn less innocent and the friendship gradually feels more and more like a relationship. Till on no spoken terms it is mutually understood that we are "talking".

I have NEVER been a fan of "talking". It is an ambiguous term I feel guys use to satisfy a woman's desire for commitment and loyalty without actually providing her with that which she desires. It confusing and the distinction of what one can and can't do whom one can an can't spend time with is blurred. Can you go on dates with other people or is this unacceptable. This creates more confusion, unnecessary drama, and potentially hurt feelings.

"Talking" to someone reminds me of the old saying...



Why Buy The Cow

When You Can Get the Milk For Free

 

Why would a man commit to being in a relationship with you when he can get all he wants from you by saying you guys are talking. On the flip side of this if you keep pressuring a man into being in a relationship that is a huge turn off and will make him want to even less! I am also not a fan of the ultimatum ( ol tomato) technique either. That sounds like you are forcing him to be with you or else. Who wants to be with someone you had to force to be in a relationship with you?

 



I was in love with my best friend during my college years. However we never explicitly Defined The Relationship. Biggest mistake ever. He ended up moving on with someone who would define the relationship ( In hindsight he was bat shit crazy and I am eternally grateful I did not end up with him). At that time I was crushed, devastated, heartbroken, etc... This situation left a scar on my heart an a shadow in my soul. Took years for me to return the positive diva you have before you.

One thing I am convinced of is that it is feelings that make the relationship. You can avoid defining the relationship all you like but if you have feelings for this person akin to someone in a committed relationship (jealousy, love, etc.) then its all for naught and you are simply delaying the inevitable. Whether that be that you will be in a relationship eventually and you wasted all this time not defining your relationship when you could have been growing as a couple or that the other party will get tired of waiting on you and move on to someone else.