DTR ( Defining The Relationship)

I am sure half of the people who clicked on my link from twitter thought I was getting married. Silly rabbits rings are for girl's in a relationship. I have been single for somewhere around 6 months maybe longer not really counting. The first month it was like How Jenna Got Her Groove Back or something. My missing self-confidence returned with a vengeance and I discovered an intense love for myself that someone I had lost along the way.



(me sometime after the breakup getting my groove back)

 



Eventually one of my close male friends got out of his long term relationship too. And slowly the jokes turn less innocent and the friendship gradually feels more and more like a relationship. Till on no spoken terms it is mutually understood that we are "talking".

I have NEVER been a fan of "talking". It is an ambiguous term I feel guys use to satisfy a woman's desire for commitment and loyalty without actually providing her with that which she desires. It confusing and the distinction of what one can and can't do whom one can an can't spend time with is blurred. Can you go on dates with other people or is this unacceptable. This creates more confusion, unnecessary drama, and potentially hurt feelings.

"Talking" to someone reminds me of the old saying...



Why Buy The Cow

When You Can Get the Milk For Free

 

Why would a man commit to being in a relationship with you when he can get all he wants from you by saying you guys are talking. On the flip side of this if you keep pressuring a man into being in a relationship that is a huge turn off and will make him want to even less! I am also not a fan of the ultimatum ( ol tomato) technique either. That sounds like you are forcing him to be with you or else. Who wants to be with someone you had to force to be in a relationship with you?

 



I was in love with my best friend during my college years. However we never explicitly Defined The Relationship. Biggest mistake ever. He ended up moving on with someone who would define the relationship ( In hindsight he was bat shit crazy and I am eternally grateful I did not end up with him). At that time I was crushed, devastated, heartbroken, etc... This situation left a scar on my heart an a shadow in my soul. Took years for me to return the positive diva you have before you.

One thing I am convinced of is that it is feelings that make the relationship. You can avoid defining the relationship all you like but if you have feelings for this person akin to someone in a committed relationship (jealousy, love, etc.) then its all for naught and you are simply delaying the inevitable. Whether that be that you will be in a relationship eventually and you wasted all this time not defining your relationship when you could have been growing as a couple or that the other party will get tired of waiting on you and move on to someone else.

All Over The Place Thinking About Love

Maybe it's Valentine's Day right around the corner, or my sister's impending engagement, or the romantic turn a friendship of mine is taking much to my general excitement, but love and dating have been on my mind a lot lately. The dynamics of dating and relationships in general from real life to television are drastically changing. Roles are swapping and evolving.

 I just watched an episode of The New Normal and a man was breastfeeding his child (with the help

of a device).

The widely popular TV show Scandal glorifies the position of being "the other woman".

 Older women are dating younger men and dating multiple at once is becoming increasingly more acceptable.

My sister and her boyfriend have decided to get engaged. Like together they decided. She has seen the ring and I am pretty sure she knows the proposal is coming on Valentine's Day . Its nontraditional but again times are changing. Pre-planning getting engaged maybe more practical. At least he doesn't have to worry about her saying no!

All of the love on television as well as my living vicariously through my sister is making think about my future and what I want out of a future relationship and future husband. If I am completely honest with myself I am a hopeless romantic in a completely irrational way. I want us to have passionate all consuming love. I want us to be the best part of each other's day. I want us to be unable to keep our hands off each other. The mistress on Scandal stated that she wanted desperate painful all consuming love. That is why she turned down a perfectly acceptable non married man's marriage proposal knowing that he could make her happy. Because the love she felt for him lacked that passion.

SO that's what I want the crazy love, but most importantly I want someone who loves me crazy back.

Practical me that has been through the pain, triumphs, ups, and downs of love or delusions of love knows that there is more to love than just passion. Falling passionately in love with someone who isn't right for you will never make you happy.

I am a weird individual. But I love me. And I want someone who likes me as I am. Often times we get into relationships with pre-planned ideas of how we will change this person.Well change is inevitable but you can't change anyone. Life changes us. Like ocean waves eroding the land. It molds us makes us stronger and eventually better.

The third ingredient in what I want in a future relationship is stability. Relationships involve money their is no way around it. It should not be about one person taking care of the other. I believe somewhere in the bible it mentions being equally yoked. That should be the standard we strive toward.

So find someone who makes you feel passionate, who you love quirks and all, and who fits economically. AND don't settle when you only have some of the ingredients. You need them all.

While I may never the find the man who will break out in song and confess his love to me or let me have a musical as a wedding, I will wait for the man who will sit through Pitch Perfect with me and while he may not admit it.....enjoys it.

Who Am I

The title of my introductory post for my new blog is "Who Am I".

Well I am someone who thinks anyone who knows the answer to that question is full of BS ( haven't decided if I will use profanity in this blog yet). I have begun to realize that truly knowing yourself is a life long journey. Every day some new unique aspect of our persona is revealed to us.

So join me for this exploration of me.

I will be blogging about life, love, food, sex, and honestly anything else my ADD (not offically diagnosed) mind comes across. I invite you to comment and discuss these topics with me.