DTR ( Defining The Relationship)

I am sure half of the people who clicked on my link from twitter thought I was getting married. Silly rabbits rings are for girl's in a relationship. I have been single for somewhere around 6 months maybe longer not really counting. The first month it was like How Jenna Got Her Groove Back or something. My missing self-confidence returned with a vengeance and I discovered an intense love for myself that someone I had lost along the way.



(me sometime after the breakup getting my groove back)

 



Eventually one of my close male friends got out of his long term relationship too. And slowly the jokes turn less innocent and the friendship gradually feels more and more like a relationship. Till on no spoken terms it is mutually understood that we are "talking".

I have NEVER been a fan of "talking". It is an ambiguous term I feel guys use to satisfy a woman's desire for commitment and loyalty without actually providing her with that which she desires. It confusing and the distinction of what one can and can't do whom one can an can't spend time with is blurred. Can you go on dates with other people or is this unacceptable. This creates more confusion, unnecessary drama, and potentially hurt feelings.

"Talking" to someone reminds me of the old saying...



Why Buy The Cow

When You Can Get the Milk For Free

 

Why would a man commit to being in a relationship with you when he can get all he wants from you by saying you guys are talking. On the flip side of this if you keep pressuring a man into being in a relationship that is a huge turn off and will make him want to even less! I am also not a fan of the ultimatum ( ol tomato) technique either. That sounds like you are forcing him to be with you or else. Who wants to be with someone you had to force to be in a relationship with you?

 



I was in love with my best friend during my college years. However we never explicitly Defined The Relationship. Biggest mistake ever. He ended up moving on with someone who would define the relationship ( In hindsight he was bat shit crazy and I am eternally grateful I did not end up with him). At that time I was crushed, devastated, heartbroken, etc... This situation left a scar on my heart an a shadow in my soul. Took years for me to return the positive diva you have before you.

One thing I am convinced of is that it is feelings that make the relationship. You can avoid defining the relationship all you like but if you have feelings for this person akin to someone in a committed relationship (jealousy, love, etc.) then its all for naught and you are simply delaying the inevitable. Whether that be that you will be in a relationship eventually and you wasted all this time not defining your relationship when you could have been growing as a couple or that the other party will get tired of waiting on you and move on to someone else.

The Ticking Time Bomb

Long time no blog huh? Well this is the begining of  my blog-a-thon. I have had a lot on my mind and my heart lately. And a lot has happened today. So I will most likely blog until all my feelings are laid bare. This first entry was started before my emotional day and is based on the biggest picture of my life with no zoom.


My biological clock has been clicking so damn loud it sounds like the alarm is going off. Snooze only last so long and then its back again. According to Wikipedia the term biological clock is based on the correlation between a woman's age and her fertility. Women reach their peak fertility in their early to mid twenties. Well my mid twenties are approaching and they are approaching a little too quickly for my tastes. Now while I don't consider 24 mid twenties the same can not be said for 25.

My fears are linked to this biological clock theory. I am a firm believer that getting married takes time. True love pass the infatuation stage must stand the test of time. Well as I am on the verge of my 24th year even if I found the man I am going to marry this year, realisticly and optimally I would not start trying to get pregant till around 28 at the very earliest. So when I call myself old I am really saying I am too old to not have more of this life and love stuff figured out. Perhaps if my career or other areas of life were going better I would not care so much. But they are not. Everything is a glaring failure.

There is no chance that I will have a baby out of wedlock despite the increasing occurances of such. With media shows making 16 year old moms celebrities, waiting to have children until after marriage is becoming less and less of a societal norm. However times have changed. Women are no longer getting married as soon as their menstral cycle starts. We are going to school and having careers. There has been much debate on wheter women can have it all ( children and a career). If you are successful enough you can invest more money into assisting getting preggers. This mountain of student loans that sucks me dry every single month informs me that will not be an option for me.

On the topic of times changing. In the past it was more common to wait until wedlock to have sex. Possibily now majority of people have sex way before marriage. As I previously stated, in the past people got married at much younger ages. So it can be infered that back then people were 16 and pregnant and married. I have even heard people say they would not marry someone they had not had sex with. In the media being a virgin is stigmatized as being a prude if you're a woman or a pimply nerdy geek if you're a man. How does this relate to my biological clock? Well I haven't had sexual intercourse. I don't consider myself a virgin but I haven't ever done anything that could possibly result in offspring. I don't know my exact reasons. However I suspect its a combination of the fear of the unknown and the desire to only have sexual intercourse with one man ever. Call me crazy, because I probaly am.

All Over The Place Thinking About Love

Maybe it's Valentine's Day right around the corner, or my sister's impending engagement, or the romantic turn a friendship of mine is taking much to my general excitement, but love and dating have been on my mind a lot lately. The dynamics of dating and relationships in general from real life to television are drastically changing. Roles are swapping and evolving.

 I just watched an episode of The New Normal and a man was breastfeeding his child (with the help

of a device).

The widely popular TV show Scandal glorifies the position of being "the other woman".

 Older women are dating younger men and dating multiple at once is becoming increasingly more acceptable.

My sister and her boyfriend have decided to get engaged. Like together they decided. She has seen the ring and I am pretty sure she knows the proposal is coming on Valentine's Day . Its nontraditional but again times are changing. Pre-planning getting engaged maybe more practical. At least he doesn't have to worry about her saying no!

All of the love on television as well as my living vicariously through my sister is making think about my future and what I want out of a future relationship and future husband. If I am completely honest with myself I am a hopeless romantic in a completely irrational way. I want us to have passionate all consuming love. I want us to be the best part of each other's day. I want us to be unable to keep our hands off each other. The mistress on Scandal stated that she wanted desperate painful all consuming love. That is why she turned down a perfectly acceptable non married man's marriage proposal knowing that he could make her happy. Because the love she felt for him lacked that passion.

SO that's what I want the crazy love, but most importantly I want someone who loves me crazy back.

Practical me that has been through the pain, triumphs, ups, and downs of love or delusions of love knows that there is more to love than just passion. Falling passionately in love with someone who isn't right for you will never make you happy.

I am a weird individual. But I love me. And I want someone who likes me as I am. Often times we get into relationships with pre-planned ideas of how we will change this person.Well change is inevitable but you can't change anyone. Life changes us. Like ocean waves eroding the land. It molds us makes us stronger and eventually better.

The third ingredient in what I want in a future relationship is stability. Relationships involve money their is no way around it. It should not be about one person taking care of the other. I believe somewhere in the bible it mentions being equally yoked. That should be the standard we strive toward.

So find someone who makes you feel passionate, who you love quirks and all, and who fits economically. AND don't settle when you only have some of the ingredients. You need them all.

While I may never the find the man who will break out in song and confess his love to me or let me have a musical as a wedding, I will wait for the man who will sit through Pitch Perfect with me and while he may not admit it.....enjoys it.

Plans

I had a plan.

Five or so years ago I decided that I was gonna leave the amazingly small insignificant town I was born in and go off to a big school in a big city far away where no one knew me. I was going to be popular and have a lot of friends. Friendships that would last a lifetime.

I was going to find a major that interested me and I was going to get an amazing job outside of college that all the friends people I knew from my hometown would be jealous of.

Most importantly I was going to meet the man I was going to marry while in college.


NONE OF THESE THINGS HAPPENED.

I actually had numerous tragedies during my college years. Definitely not the best times of my life ( I hope).

As a  result of going to an university out of state with no scholarships, I am buried to my teeth in debt. I pay more for loans each month than I do for rent.

I made few friends. Lost most of the ones I did make. Regretted losing those friendships.

I got a job that barely required a high school diploma. I have since been promoted but its still just a job and not a career. And I still have no idea what I want to do for the rest of my life.

I am extremely single. Though I have some hope in that department I don't want to count my chickens before they hatch in that department. Especially since all weekend for some reason subconsciously I have been trying to push him away.

Despite all of these things I love my life. I am extremely blessed and happy.

Alone and happy.

While this may not have been my plan, I have to trust that this is god's plan. And somewhere out there are the friends, the career, and the man he has planned for me.

I just feel like there has to be more than this provincial life.  ( shameless Disney Reference)

I want the life I read in books. Where is my Christian freaking Grey.

I'm an Aries so patience isn't really in my repertoire. Waiting for all this to happen feels unbearable. But I am enjoying this journey. So for now I just plan to enjoy life, figure out what the hell I want and just freaking go for it.

(Well one thing (or person) I want requires patience or I will ruin it...im 99.9% sure).

New Year New You?

It's that time of the year again. The first of the year. The beginning of the next adventure in your life. Every year we make resolutions to improve and better our lives. How many of us actually resolve these goals by Dec 31st? I am definitely guilty of falling short of achieving resolutions in my life. Does that mean the previous year was a failure? No! Just meant that I lost sight of what I wanted or that I put off till tomorrow what should have been done yesterday! So in the spirit of if at first you don't succeed......Here are my New Years Resolutions for 2013!

1. Become more spiritual:

This a broad resolution but I have implemeted a plan to help me achieve this already. I will read a bible verse daily. I feel ashamed to be more knowledgeable about secular matters than I am about biblical matters. It's Day 8 in the year and I am proud to say I am 8 for 8.

2. Become healthier

Again a broad resolutions. To achieve this one I will eat better, workout more, and drink less.

3. Become more professional

I am blessed to have a great job. I need to improve my professionalism to get an even better job. This will be done through reading relavent material and research.


Nobody is perfect so I am certain I will stumble and maybe even fall on my quest for improvement. But as long as I get myself back up again it can be considered a success!

Who Am I

The title of my introductory post for my new blog is "Who Am I".

Well I am someone who thinks anyone who knows the answer to that question is full of BS ( haven't decided if I will use profanity in this blog yet). I have begun to realize that truly knowing yourself is a life long journey. Every day some new unique aspect of our persona is revealed to us.

So join me for this exploration of me.

I will be blogging about life, love, food, sex, and honestly anything else my ADD (not offically diagnosed) mind comes across. I invite you to comment and discuss these topics with me.